April 20, 2008

These are my terms

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — alsuren @ 2:34 pm

These terms do not just apply to romantic love: they also apply to my friends, and to my academic interests:
Do not expect my love without reason. I will love you for the reasons that you present to me in the form of your strengths.
Do not let me believe that I can be loved without reason: If I cannot strive to earn your love, I cannot love you.
Do not believe that I am bound to you love you just because I have loved you in the past.
Do not expect me to tell you that I love you if I don’t. If I am unsure, I will tell you that I don’t .

If you wish to meet me on these terms, I will meet you on these terms. If you wish to be met on any other terms, state them and they will be considered. I will attempt to keep a revised list of my terms up on my wiki.



  1. I liked this entry.

    Comment by sukie — April 23, 2008 @ 4:01 am

  2. Yeah: that was my attempt to follow up on

    The above is hopefully some intersection of what I believe and Rand’s ideas. I think Rand’s idea of romantic love is a little bit kinkier than that, but you can read ‘The Fountainhead’ if you want to find out about that.

    If anyone has read one of her books recently, and can think of any terms that should be added, please shout. It would be interesting to see where my ideas and hers diverge.

    Comment by alsuren — April 23, 2008 @ 7:02 am

  3. You have been tagged on my blog!

    Comment by sukie — May 12, 2008 @ 6:00 pm

  4. […] what’s the point of this? Well it’s partly for anyone who finds my terms a little strange, and it’s partly to act a tribute. It’s also a kind of thank-you to […]

    Pingback by Marci « Alsuren — September 7, 2008 @ 7:11 pm

  5. Interestingly, alongside point 3, I also have a term which is something along the lines of “If you’re one of the people I’ve committed to and said I’ll always be there for, I will always be there for you. And if you’re one of the people I’ve counted as one of my close friends, you’d have to do something pretty incredibly awful for me to desert you ever.”

    I also detach reason from love a little more, or possibly I just don’t class my reasons as “strengths” or “earning”.

    Comment by Jenny S-T — September 18, 2008 @ 1:14 pm

  6. I try to keep reason involved in all dealings (note: I do not use the word logic, as this has connotations with formal logic, which any philosopher will tell you is really quite horrible)

    In general, if a hard decision needs to be made, I reduce it to utility theory and try to maximise my own [expected] utility [given my beliefs about the world].

    Note that this is a definition of selfishness, but my actions may not always appear superficially selfish in the short term, as my utility function contains a [positive, but otherwise unspecified] function of the utility of those around me.)

    Also note that I view it as impossible to define my own utility function in full, especially since it is not restricted to be constant over time. I can perhaps learn a set of sensible constraints though, and use them to decide the best way to maximise its expected value.

    I am an empiricist, and I believe that all belief is/can be derived/explained by expectation maximisation and utility theory (either exact or approximate). I also believe that an optimal strategy for behaving in life (and one that is general enough to be applicable to everyone, religious or not) is an expectation maximisation based (essentially “maximise your expected utility” where “utility” is to be defined independently by and for each participant)

    Regarding point 3, I believe that it is advisable to change your behaviour as gradually as possible, and hopefully this is reflected in my actions (for example, observe my choice to keep the alias alsuren, even though it may not be optimal were it not for legacy). On the other hand, if an old commitment conflicts with a new one, and the old is less important than the new, I cannot in good conscience let myself be bound by the old.

    Comment by alsuren — September 18, 2008 @ 2:58 pm

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